Texting
by EmilyEphebiphobia
Summary: In which texting leads to Sasuke asking Sakura out, after she signs up for something on the internet. Sasusaku, NaruIno. Rated M for language.


**Holy crap this is a long one. My bad. So yeah .. text messages. Aren't they fun?**

* * *

**To: Naruto  
****From: Ino**

AY, BLONDIE.

YOOHOO.

..

**T: Ino  
****F: Naruto**

OI, YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF?

..

**T: Naruto  
****F: Ino**

NO DUMBASS.

Light your pitchforks, we're going Uchiha killing, dammit.

..

**T: Ino  
****F: Naruto**

Why would we kill Itachi?

..

**T: Naruto  
****F: Ino**

..

I MEAN SASUKE! He made Sakura ...

..

..

..

SIGN UP FOR EHARMONY!

_EHARMONY!_

..

**T: Ino  
****F: Naruto**

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO SMACK ME YEESH.

AND WTF?

..

**T: Naruto  
****F: Ino**

He told her she was annoying again, and she started crying, and went on eHarmony and totally signed up!

..

**T: Ino  
****F: Naruto**

TEME.

I'm getting a hall pass. Sasuke has Chemistry this period. I'm gonna get him to be romantic with Sakura-chan!

BELIEVE IT!

..

**T: Naruto  
****F: Ino**

Alright here's the plan ..

..

_thirty minutes later_

..

**T: Naruto  
****F: Sasuke**

Dobe, get your fucking ass over here. When I get untied I'm going to KILL you.

..

**T: Sasuke  
****F: Naruto**

Oh hell no. YOU NEED TO ASK SAKURA-CHAN OUT. When you agree I will. For now, I'm sending in a surprise, until you crack.

..

**T: Naruto  
****F: Sasuke**

Dobe...

..

**T: Karin  
****F: Naruto**

Ay, whore, do me a favor. Your beloved (soon to be not yours) Sasuke-kun is in a closet. Down the hall, second floor. Go attempt to rape him for me? I'll give you an even better Uchiha.

..

ITACHI.

..

**T: Naruto  
****F: Karin**

OMG! REALLY? EEK! Fine. But he better be hotter than Sasuke-kun.

..

AND WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN NOT MINE FOR LONG?

YOU BITCH.

..

**T: Karin  
F: Naruto**

I MEAN that Sakura-chan is about to own Sasuke, as soon as you start to rape him. Watch. I'll forward you his SOS message.

AND HIS OBITUARY. EWH. I HOPE HE DOESN'T DIE.

..

And yes, Itachi is sexier.

..

..

NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW.

_.._

_seven minutes later_

_.._

**T: Naruto  
F: Sasuke**

Fine, dobe, you win. I almost caught AIDS from Karin.

Thanks. I swear to God if she gave me AIDS and I couldn't make little babies with Sakura I would hunt you down and CASTRATE YOU.

..

..

YOU DID NOT SEE THAT PART ABOUT SAKURA.

..

Shit.

..

**T: Sasuke  
F: Naruto**

Haha, you stupid teme. NOW GO TALK TO SAKURA-CHAN.

AND YOU WANNA MAKE BABIES WITH HER? BUAHAHAHAHA.

..

**T: Naruto  
F: Sasuke**

I am going to kill you.

..

..

..

Hn.

..

**T: Sasuke  
F: Naruto**

WHY'D YOU PUNCH ME? SHEESH.

GO TEXT SAKURA BEFORE I LODGE A SECOND POLE UP YOUR ASS

(Did the doctor every manage to surgically remove the first one?)

..

**T: Naruto  
F: Sasuke**

The doctor said it has been lodged in there too long to be removed.

I MEAN WHAT?

..

Hn, piss off, dobe.

..

**T: Sakura  
F: Sasuke**

Oi, Sakura. Go on your Webcam tonight at eight, okay?

..

**T: Sasuke  
F: Sakura**

The hell? Why?

..

WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH SASUKE-KUN!

..

**T: Sakura  
F: Sasuke**

Its Sasuke, woman. Just do it.

..

**T: Sasuke  
F: Sakura**

YOU ASS.

And whatever.

..

**T: Sakura  
F: Ino**

WHY DID YOU SIGN UP FOR EHARMONY, FOREHEAD?

..

**T: Ino  
F: Sakura**

YOU KNOW WHY.

..

Stop staring at Naruto. I know what you two have been doing in the janitors closet.

I CAN TELL.

..

**T: Sakura  
F: Ino**

WE SHOULD MAKE HIM JEALOUS. I'm gonna text Kiba and ask him to fake pretend to flirt with you through text so you can act all giggly and shit. AND BLUSH. LIKE CRAP.

..

..

HOW THE CRAP DO YOU KNOW? I SWEAR I TOLD HIM NOT TO TELL ANYONE.

..Don't be a bitch.

..

**T: Ino  
F: Sakura**

WAIT INO, SASU-

HEY! I AM NOT A BITCH! AND I AM SO TELLING.

FYI: I KNOW BECUASE YOU EMERGED FROM THERE WITH YOUR CHEST PRACTICLY HANGING OUT YOUR SHIRT AND NARUTO HAD LIPSTICK ON HIS PANTS.

..

..

_PANTS!_

..

**T: Kiba  
F: Ino**

DOG BOY. $20 BUCKS TO FLIRT WITH SAKURA THROUGH TEXT TO MAKE SOMEONE JEALOUS.

AND A FREE TICK BATH.

..

**T: Ino  
F: Kiba**

Deal. Only for the money. Whats her number?

HEY! I DO NOT HAVE FLEAS! DAMN YOU.

..

**T: Kiba  
F: Ino**

555-1234.

THEN WHY DID YOU JUST SCRATCH YOUR HEAD WITH YOUR FOOT.

..

**T: Ino  
F: Kiba**

If I didn't need that money, I would so get Akamaru to PEE on you.

..

**T: 555-1234  
F: Kiba**

Hey, Sexy. I heard you were single, and wanted to know what your wearing right now. Because whatever it is, it always makes you look fucking hot. Your best feature is your ass. We should go make out. Janitors Closet at Lunch?

Kiba. xx

..

**T: Kiba  
F: 555-1234**

Kiba. What the fuck. I am not gay you stupid asshole.

..

**T: 555-1234  
F: Kiba**

..Sakura?

..

..

WAIT.

WHO THE HELL IS THIS.

..

**T: Kiba  
F: 555-1234**

Sasuke you shit head.

..

**T: Sasuke  
F: Kiba**

HOLY SHIT.

..

DUDE I AM NOT GAY AND I DID NOT MEAN TO SEND THAT TO YOU I SWEAR TO GOD. INO GAVE ME THIS NUMBER AND SAID IT WAS SAKURA'S.

..

EWH, I WANNA BARF. CAN I BORROW YOUR BACKPACK?

..

**T: Kiba  
F: Sasuke**

Her number is 555-1235. And why the hell are you flirting with her.

..

She's taken. Hn.

..

Don't touch my bag. Plus, Karin's is closer. And the vomit will make it look better. Get some in her hair too.

..

**T: Sasuke  
F: Kiba**

WHY ARE YOU SMIRKING? DID YOU RAPE HER?

..

Will do. The color will bring out her ugly hair. Well atleast I still have twenty bucks.

..

_the next day_

_.._

**T: Sasuke  
F: Sakura**

Sakura, I can explain about last night.

..

**T: Sasuke  
F: Sakura**

DON'T TALK TO ME.

YOU UCHIHA'S ARE ALL PERVERTS.

But I still love your mom.

PISS OFF.

..

**T: Sakura  
F: Sasuke**

I swear to God, I did tell Itachi I was going to use the webcam. I'm sorry.

..

**T: Sasuke  
F:Sakura**

ARE YOU SERIOUS? THATS ALL YOU CAN SAY? "I'M SORRY?"

..

I LOGGED ONTO MY WEBCAM AND SAW YOUR BROTHER MASTERBATING AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS YOUR SORRY.

..

UGH. I NEED TO GO TAKE THIS SHIT OUT ON KARIN.

..

**T: Sakura  
F: Sasuke**

Fine. Wait be careful with her hair, Kiba kinda puked on her, she looks a bit better, actually.

..

EW WHAT AM I SAYING.

..

Will you go out with me tonight? That fancy resturant by the movie theatre?

..

I swear I didn't even know Itachi had a penis. I thought he was a girl. You know, underneath that weird robe and purple nails.

..

**T: Sasuke  
F: Sakura**

Maybe. But first I have to go SHOVE SOAP IN MY EARS AND MY EYES.

HE HAD THE SOUND ON TOO.

..

EWH. TMI. OH GOD. THE IMAGE IS COMING BACK TO ME.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

..

**T: Sakura  
F: Sasuke**

Sakura.

..

**T: Sakura  
F: Sasuke**

Sakura. Dammit.

..

**T: Sakura  
F: Sasuke**

Oi, woman.

..

**T: Sakura  
F: Sasuke**

Hey.

Hn.

Annoying.

..

**T: Ino  
F: Sakura**

OMFG. INO. I NEED MEMORIES, THOUGHTS, PICTURES, ANYTHING.

HELPPPPP.

..

And Sasuke-kun asked me out. :)

..

NOW DAMMIT HELP A BITCH OUT.

..

**T: Sakura  
F: Ino**

WHAT HAPPENED?

..

Just imaging kissing Sasuke. I'm sure its bound to happen tonight.

WINK WINK.

..

**T: Ino  
F: Sakura**

Ohh. Nice image.

..

LETS JUST SAY I SAW ITACHI ON A WEBCAM DOING SOMETHING GROSS LAST NIGHT. UNINTENTIONALLY.

..

SHIT. I HAVE TO GO GET READY. TTYL. AND DON'T TELL NARUTO. OR I WILL TELL EVERYONE YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY WITH HIM IN THE JANITORS CLOSET.

..

**T: Sakura  
F: Ino**

YOU WOULDN'T!

..

What were you doing watching him, eh?

..

BUT HA! IT WON'T BE A RUMOR. IT'LL BE THE TRUTH.

..

..

..

DAMMIT! FORGET WHAT I JUST SAID. PLEASE.

..

**T: Ino  
F: Sakura**

Okay, I know its Naruto, we're seventeen and all but HAVE SOME CLASS. ITS BETTER IN THE LIBRARY BATHROOM.

..

WIPE THAT DIRTY GRIN OFF OF YOUR FACE. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. I WAS TRYING TO WEBCAM WITH SASUKE-KUN.

..

THE BATHROOM THAT SMELLS LIKE APPLES.

..

**T: Naruto  
F: Ino**

OUR PLAN WORKED. WE SHOULD CELEBRATE.

..

Library Bathroom in an hour? ;)

..

**T: Ino  
F: Naruto**

YES! I'M SO TELLING EVERYONE.

..

HELL YES. I LOVE YOU.

..

**T: Sasuke  
F: Itachi**

Due to the fact that I heard Naruto say you asked out Sakura, I am deciding to accompany you on the date, and am personally sitting next to her to see if she remembers me. I asked Mother if I could come and she agrees that Sakura should meet our family. Foolish little brother.

**T: Itachi  
F: Sasuke**

GO TO HELL, ITACHI. DAMN YOU.

..

And when you get home, Fathers going to have a little "talk" with you about your Erectile Disfunction.

..

And you're sort of owned by Karin. You know? The chick with red hair and glasses?

..

Yeah enjoy your life.

-Love your little Brother xx

..

****

xxx

* * *

Itachi with ED. Oh mann. Anyway. I just got super bored, and decided to try a messaging fanfiction. How was it?

In my old school, we used to have a Library bathroom that smelled like apples, lmfao.


End file.
